Extrinsic Dichotomies
“Ooh, this is exciting!” The statue said. “I’ve never been interviewed before. I mean, I haven’t been a god for very long, but…”
20260617
Prompt from “pridemonthprompts” 2025 list.
“Ooh, this is exciting!” The statue said. “I’ve never been interviewed before.”
Steve offered his best professional smile. “Well, with the network launching a new variety program, the higher-ups thought who best to feature than the God Of Variety?”
“Right on!”
“So…” While Steve hadn’t been sure about bringing his standard question set, he had no idea what god-specific questions there might be. In the end he’d decided to bring the usual list and riff off it - like always. “What, ah, set you on the path to becoming a god?”
“Um… it kinda just happened.”
Steve strove not to look sceptical. “You ‘just happened’ to achieve enlightenment and ascend to a higher plane of existence?”
“It’s a thing! What, did you think Spoony over there planned to be the god of having cutlery balanced on his face?”
“I might have.” Another statue further down the row, which did indeed have a teaspoon painstakingly balanced on its stone nose, muttered.
“I… alright, but there must have been something that…”
“Oh, yeah, it’s the fact I was never good at picking favourites.”
Steve dutifully noted this down - and pressed “But how did that set you on the path to godhood?”
“It’s… um… I guess how it started was, people always seem to be trying to stuff preferences into filing systems. You know? Stuff like ‘do you like hot weather or cold weather?’. And I never understood why people wanted to pit lounging around the garden enjoying an ice cream against being curled up on the sofa in my favourite jumper. I love both! If you forced me to pick one, I’d quickly be bored stiff of it!”
“Ahh, I see…” Steve nodded to himself.
“But the silliness just never seemed to end. ‘Do you like cats or dogs?’, ‘do you like sunshine or snow?’, ‘’do you like chocolate or vanilla?’, do you like boys or girls?’, then ‘are you a boy or a girl?’, ‘do you like pop or punk?’, what one job do you want to have?’… always, always trying to fence me into a stupidly small box. Refusing to embrace the wonderful variety of the world. I just… I got so fed up of it all! It made me want to scream! And then…”
The statue trailed off. “I can’t explain the process of transcending. I’m sorry, it’s just… so beyond mortal, physical experience. But, uh, basically I got so worked up about people not respecting, not enjoying everything this world has to offer them that I broke through to the Other Side.”
“And… now you’re a god.”
“Now I’m a god! Which is awesome because I can, like, I’m not omni-present but I’m definitely not constrained by mortal limits. I can really explore all the options available. Any time someone tries something new, I can be with them - and any time someone wants to try something new, I can give them suggestions! And moral support. I guess I’m technically doing one job, but it’s a job built around not sticking to one thing, so it’s perfect!”
“Yeah, that… sounds like it really worked out for you.” Steve skimmed down the rest of his list of questions, looking for one which didn’t ‘fence the interviewee into a small box’, then stuffed it in his pocket and accepted this was going to be fully ad-libbed. “So… er… what kinds of skits would you be excited to see on a variety show?”
Prompt was “Hot or Cold”.