Facing What Is Unpredictable Yet Relentless

20261006

Written for the Second Indulgence, prompt #3

I line up the tests. Staring at the column of little plastic rectangles like they might change their minds. Might stand up and shout “Got you!”. Might say anything other than that I’m doomed.
Now what?
The procedures handbook is clear. I’m to stay in my home and call the emergency line. So they know to come collect my corpse.
That will have to wait - my hands are shaking too hard to dial anything. So I just sit here. Staring at the tests. Trying to wrap my head around the relentless nature of my own mortality. I did what they told me. I followed the rules. And yet, sometime since I took the test yesterday morning, I got infected.
My vision goes blurry, the lines marking my imminent death swimming before me. I blink back the tears and try to calm down. At least enough to think. I have less than twenty-four hours to live, and while I’m certainly not going to risk infecting anyone else, I should make the most of the time I have, right?
But I just… can’t muster actually doing anything. Right now. Not even getting out my phone to dial the emergency line.
God, I should tell my family, too. That thought brings a fresh flood of tears. I can’t face handling everyone’s reactions. But I have to tell them. I have to. It would be cruel not to.
I… I’ll do it later. I wouldn’t have gotten infected soon after yesterday’s test, right? I should at least have a few hours.
If only I knew that for certain. If only the tests gave some indication of how much time I have left. Then I’d have a better idea what to do with it.
I rest my head in my hands. The weight of everything I wanted to do with my life, every goal I hadn’t gotten around to, suddenly pressing on me like a collapsed building. I thought I had more time! I should’ve had more time!
This isn’t fair!
I followed the rules!
I followed the rules, I did everything I could, and here I am, about to drop dead and I don’t even know exactly when.
Calm down. Calm down. Deeeeeep breath. Screaming isn’t going to help.
Then again, nothing is going to help, exactly, I’m kind of beyond help now, so I guess aimless screaming is as good a way to pass my final hours as any?
No. No, that’s not how I want to go.
How do I want to go?
Well. Not here and now and like this. But, accepting that horrible fact…
I scrub at my eyes. I bite my lip. Focus.
Where the hell do I start?
Ritual drags my body upright and to the kettle. Making tea is my usual start, when I have no idea how to begin. The well-worn motions are comforting. And generally if I’m flailing like that, I need fluid.
I fix my gaze on the kettle. Let its burbling song soothe my jagged nerves just a touch.
Ok. Make tea. Drink tea. Call the emergency line. Then… I might have a shower. Silly though it is, knowing that complete strangers are going to be collecting my body and probably dissecting me or something, trying to figure out what the hell is going on, means I really don’t want to die grungy and in my pyjamas. Though dressing up would be weird.
Ugh, what on earth are you meant to wear for being collected as biohazard? I honestly have no idea. Just something presentable and comfortable, I guess. Whatever. I’ll figure it out.
After that, I’ll tell my family. Though I might apologise and mute the chat. Maybe even just turn off my phone.
And then… god, I don’t know. While I feel I ought to start on one of the million things I wanted to do before I die… realistically, I think I’m going to eat everything in my flat and rewatch the whole run of Teenage Mutant Drama Queens for the gazillionth time.
Maybe I think of a better option while I shower.
Assuming I don’t keel over before that.
The thought should fill me with urgency. Should give me a boost to get going. But instead it draws me to the window. Staring out at the empty streets. Tea held tight in my shaky hands. I stare up at the blue sky. An endless, uncaring, beautiful void.
It’s a nice day, at least. Pity I can’t go out and properly enjoy it. But I suppose, as such things go, it’s a nice day to die.

Prompt was “An infection has been spreading across the globe. Details are hazy, but one thing is certain; if infected, you’ll turn in 24 hours. You’ve just been infected. Write about what happens next.”

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