Mistaken Identity

Prompt from DailyPrompt.com

“AHA!”

I sigh as blinding sunlight baths my face. “For. Fucks. Sake.”

The idiot is scribbling in his blasted clipboard.

“What will it take for you to admit I’m not a vampire?”

This gets me another squirt from the water gun. Honestly! Is there a more inappropriate way to administer holy water? Perhaps if he had one of those clown flowers…

“I will not fall for your foul lies, servant of darkness!”

Throttle back a sigh. Try again. “Evil. You mean evil. ‘Darkness’ is a perfectly natural, and therefore neutral-”

More holy water. Right in my mouth. Blaugh. He didn’t even clean the tank before filling it. ‘Holy mouldy’ isn’t a thing, fool.

My eyes adjust to the glare, treating me to the ugly basement crowded with religious symbols and ‘scientific’ equipment. And the man himself, of course. An utterly unremarkable, uninteresting, unrelenting bundle of entitlement and righteous ignorance. People like him shouldn’t be allowed on the internet without a librarian hovering behind them holding a rolled up factchecking workbook.

“Give it up!” He points to the far wall, which is decorated with a collage of blurry photos, newspaper clippings, and several instances of what I’m pretty sure are AI generated images. “I know what you’ve been doing!”

“Do tell.” I squint at the mess. Surprised he didn’t cover it in red string. It’s still incomprehensible, particularly at this distance.

He struts over to his ‘evidence’, chest puffed up, swaggering so hard his gait overlaps with being seven months pregnant. Smacks an… article? Looks like a blog printout.

“Thirteen people reported the same recurring nightmare, about a vampire feeding on them!”

“Mhm. When was this?”

He whirls around to point a finger at me. “It started three weeks ago!”

“Soooo… right after the theatre started showing that scary vampire movie?”

Uncertainty flutters in his eyes. He quickly quenches it. “AHA! You know about that movie-”

“I work in the fucking theatre, you-”

“Opportunity!” He’s bubbling over with giddy glee. “You chose victims you knew wouldn’t be believed!”

I let my head flop back and take a deeeeep breath. “Four other people work there. I’m not even the horror buff. So, why me? Or are you planning on kidnapping all of them to run your little ‘tests’?”

“Huh.” Smirking, he waves to the blurry photos. Possibly me and my coworkers? “You-” He pauses for melodramatic emphasis. “Are the only one not wearing a cross!”

“Ah. Shucks, guess you got me.” Oh, for - the sarcasm flies right over his head and makes him grin. “Look, buddy, my shift starts soon. Tests are all negative. I’m not a vampire. Quit while you’re ahead.”

“Orrrr?”

Goading, huh? Fine. I’ll bite.

I smile. A proper smile, letting my jaw unhinge. Then I stand up, cable ties snapping and duct tape ripping and the wooden chair splintering into dust as I streeeeetch.

His eyes bulge and he fumbles for a cross. As if that newfangled toy would bother me.

“Remember, think local. Old horrors are everywhere.”

Prompt was “Create a character who has been given incorrect information but is convinced it is completely true.”