My weird: Autism

Note: This is not about autism itself. There are loads of good general educational resources about autism freely available, so I will not be discussing the definition, clinical analysis, etc. This is about how being autistic affects me as a writer.

My brain is bad at assumptions. Wondering if you’re being too blunt with me is a waste of time.

For instance, a dear friend (bless her!) introduced me to her now-husband with “Lee, this is [his name]. He is my boyfriend. I am dating him.”

To which I was “Oh, ok! Nice to meet you, [his name].”

He looked very confused. I wonder if she later explained to him that, when she soberly informed me of a previous breakup, I stared blankly at her and went “You were dating?”

I had met the guy. The three of us had hung out. I had seen her kiss him goodbye on the lips. She had made a point of asking what I thought about him.

None of this meant “they’re dating” to my brain.

She was baffled and hurt that I hadn’t realised. I was baffled how she hadn’t mentioned something that important. It was a learning experience for both of us… but mostly her, because I’m afraid I’m still bad at drawing social deductions.

Given how I need things spelled out for people I am irl interacting with, people I’m getting a whole host of peripheral information from, nebulous inferences in writing is nearabout an entry barrier to me.

I read the TVTropes page for every work I enjoy so I can learn facts like “X character was Y’s mother??” and “Wait, X was upset during this scene? That changes everything!”. Because, from my perspective, people don’t bother to mention important info.

Naturally, in my own writing, I get told I’m over-explaining, spelling out the obvious, and patronising the reader. Because I don’t expect people to absorb important info from… vibes? Honestly I don’t understand how the process works. I certainly don’t know what info will and won’t get through. Plus, what’s the point of writing a story that I wouldn’t be able to understand?

How do you distinguish “over explaining” from “making your writing inaccessible to people who don’t make the same assumptions you do”? (This also applies to people with neurotypical brains but different expectations, eg those from a different culture.) Wish I knew. It’s on my list to try and figure out.