One Of Us Needs To Be Individual

20251226

Written for Luna Asli Kolcu’s “Myths of Winter - Week 4” event.

“Oh! Are you still at it?”
Though Rosie’s voice holds only concern, no judgement, it still makes me wince. Her shadow is back in its rightful place, and likely has been for hours. It barely wanders at all. Whereas mine, the moment of Solstice, is off like a shot and I have to wrestle it into submission.
Of course, to do that I have to catch it first… which is getting harder each year.
Rosie wrings her hands. Did I imagine it, or did her shadow just shake its head?
I’m sure she’s trying to think of some way to help, despite knowing that shadows are only solid to their caster. While I’m distracted trying to think of something reassuring to say my shadow manages to dart past me.
“You little-!” I scramble after it, gasping curses.
Thank goodness you always know where your shadow is, or I’d have been doomed years ago! But if it manages to break away and run for it I might not be able to catch up before dawn. We do seem to have identical stamina… have I been managing to wear it out as much as it has me? It’s impossible to tell.
What’s the time?? How long do I have until dawn? Fear adds to the sweat coating my back.
“GET BACK HERE!” I bellow, past caring how many people learn I’m being bested at high-stakes tag. “You’ll doom us both!”
“No, I’m doing what’s best for both of us.”
Ahhh???
I’d never heard a shadow speak. And I wouldn’t have expected my shadow to sound exactly like me. More… the opposite of my voice? Whatever that would mean? Perhaps that’s why it sounds identical.
My shadow hasn’t taken advantage of me freezing up. It's hovering just out of reach. Perhaps it’s getting too tired to keep dodging. I might be alright.
But I can’t help but ask “What do you mean, ‘best for both of us’? If you’re not back where you belong before the sun rises, we’ll switch places!”
“I know. And I didn’t want it to come to this. But we can’t both be shadows! It doesn’t work. And since you won’t change, I have to change both of us. I’ll just have to adjust to being flesh.”
“Eh? What are you talking about - I’m human!” I wave my arms. To demonstrate? In protest? I don’t know anymore; my world’s lost all logic. “Not a shadow at all.”
“But you’re a shadow of yourself. That’s the problem. Always copying those around you, following what others do, looking for directions for everything… we can’t achieve balance like this! I’m starting to feel all, all squished, and I’m scared of what’ll happen to us if we get any closer.”
It points at me. “I mean, you can hear me now! That’s not normal! We have to do something.”
I bite my lip. Utterly lost. Wishing there was someone to ask for advice. “I, I’ll work on that! I promise! Just get back with me for the moment, alright?”
For a long moment we stare at each other.
Then it sighs and shakes it head. “I wish I could believe you. Believe in you. I really do. But I’ve seen you do this too many times. Make earnest promises to someone because you’re scared of consequences - even when that just means disappointing them. Then once the moment’s past you slide back to your old habits. And there’s too much at stake here.”
It takes a step further away, its tone turning reassuring. Coaxing. “Don’t worry, I think you’ll adjust quickly. It’s… restful, being a shadow. You don’t have to think. Nobody judges you. People rarely even think of you, actually. Doesn’t that sound freeing?”
“But I won’t be free!”
“Hey, I’m not exactly thrilled about being stuck with all the hard work of existing!” It props its fists on its hips and I can just make out a scowl. “You’re the one who’s let us get badly unbalanced, so… spare me the whining.”
With that it turns and darts away with renewed vigour. I sprint after it, throat too tight to even scream. Have to catch up, have to-
_~*~
“Thank goodness! I was starting to worry.”
Rosie’s voice sounds like it’s coming from far away. Like I’m underwater. Deep in dark, inky water.
The world is bent and stretched around me, dyed in a kaleidoscope of greys. But I can clearly feel the warmth of the sun.
“Yeah.”
Its - his, now - voice really does sound exactly like me.
“Do you know why its being so, um, restless?” Rosie’s concern is sweet. I wish I could tell her so.
“I think it wants me to… be more assertive?”
“Oh. Hm.” Rosie reaches out and touches his warm, fleshy hand, which makes her shadow touch me.
She gives me a reassuring squeeze, the motion hidden in the muddled darkness of our overlapping. Is that copying Rosie? Or can she tell it’s me?
“Well, you can be… almost too nice.” Rosie says in a hesitant, conspiratorial tone. “Which is lovely! But I can see how it would wear you down.”
“It really does.” He smiles at her. He’s smiling all wrong, nothing like the bright winning smile I’ve spent hours practising in the mirror. This is just… a smile. Unpolished. It’s even lopsided.
She smiles back anyway.
“I’m hoping next solstice, I’ll have become the person he wants me to be, and we won’t have to go through that again.”
“Hopefully!” Rosie says blithely. Utterly unaware of what’s going on.
If this does work… and he does switch places with me again… what am I going to tell everyone?

Prompt was: “On solstice night, shadows separate from their owners and must be reclaimed by dawn. Most return willingly. Some need convincing. A few have to be caught. Yours doesn’t want to come back. It says it’s been planning this for years.”