Remnants Of Love And Shortbread

Written for Bradley Ramsey’s “Flash Fiction February Day 24”.

Herbert advanced on the rattling cupboard, book of incantations in one hand and blessed mallet in the other. “Avaunt, restless spirit! Leave this mortal plane and-”
“SHAN’T!” Screeched the doll, pounding its little fists - which, despite looking like porcelain, sounded disturbingly solid against the wooden cupboard door. “MEANY! STUPID OLD MEANY! BALDY!”
“Wh-why you…!” Herbert spluttered, flushing like a beetroot.
“Focus, Herby.” Janice chided from her position guarding the kitchen doorway. “It’s just trying to distract you. Don’t fall-”
“YOU’RE A MEANY TOO YOU UGLY OLD HAG!”
“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY, YOU DUST-NOSED BRAT??”
Janice stepped towards the cupboard, a spell crackling in her fist, then she and Herbert froze at the sound of the back door opening.
“G-goodness. Um. Is this a bad time?”
Oh god it was that nosy dozy biddy from across the way. Clutching a tea-towel shrouded plate before her like an entry warrant.
Her forced smile came unglued as her gaze darted around the room, taking in the wreckage from the doll’s rampage and the way the couple were standing facing one another, visibly injured and holding arcane weapons.
“It’s not what it looks like!” Herbert wailed, cementing Kelly’s suspicions. “Now, you need to - we’ve got a dangerous, uh, creature cornered and-”
The cupboard door rattled. “I SMELL COOKIES!”
Kelly’s mouth fell open. “Do you have a child locked in there??”
“No! No! It’s a doll!” Herbert stammered earnestly, and Janice added “Ask Kooky John, he’s the one who asked us to take it off his hands.”
“Kooky…?” Kelly’s brow furrowed. “Oh, you mean John Tiller, at the antiques place?”
“The very same. Said he bought it at a trunk show and then the damn thing came to life. We’re trying to exorcise it-”
“DON’T WANNA GO!!” The doll wailed. “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!”
“We’ll see about that.” Herbert growled, hefting his mallet. “Avaunt, restless spirit, and-”
The cupboard burst open. Herbert was too slow to smack the doll as it clattered past and dove under Kelly’s flowing skirt.
One cracked porcelain hand stuck out. “WANT COOKIES!”
Kelly stood motionless. Her helpless gaze flicking between the two cursed artefact experts, who were equally frozen. With no guidance, she slowly peeled back the hand-embroidered tea-towel and extracted a freshly baked cookie.
“H-here you go, sweetums.” She gingerly placed the cookie in the doll’s hand, and it was whisked under her skirt.
Happy snuffling. “OOH, IS IT CHOCOLATE?”
“Um. No, sorry, it’s my mum’s award-winning date shortbread.”
“OH.”
A cracking, grinding sound was followed by a gloopy slurp, unearthly yet uncannily reminiscent of old-fashioned plumbing going awry.
“YUM!!” The hand reappeared, porcelain fingers grasping at the air. “GIMME MORE!”
“Could… you… come out? Please?” Kelly said meekly, holding a cookie just out of reach.
“NO! THERE’S MEANIES OUT THERE.”
“Well… alright.” Kelly set the plate aside, then used her free hand to lift up her skirt while handing the cookie over.
Now Herbert and Janice could see the doll crouched between Kelly’s feet, glaring at them. Once again that grinding snapping rang out, as the doll’s face split open across its faded rosebud lips, the crack seemingly reaching around its entire head. The lower part flapped open - revealing the swirling curse giving it pseudo-life.
It crushed the cookie between its hands and the fragments were sucked into the magical miasma.
The doll burped.
It giggled, a grating, shrill sound.
“YUMMY!”
“You’re welcome, dear.”
The doll wrapped one arm around Kelly’s leg and declared “YOU REMIND ME OF MY NANA.”
“Oh? What’s your nana like?”
“SHE WAS REALLY NICE AND ALWAYS GAVE ME SWEETIES! THEN SHE DIED.”
“Ah.” Kelly said gravely. “Yes. That tends to happen, to old people.”
“SHE WASN’T THAT OLD. I GOT MEASLES AND SHE PUT ME IN THIS DOLL, BUT SHE GOT MEASLES DOING IT. AND DIED.”
“Ohh.” Kelly’s brows drew together. “You poor thing.”
“IT’S OK! I DON’T MIND BEING A DOLL. I KNOW NANA WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP.”
“What about your parents?”
“THEY GOT OLD AND DIED.”
“Ah. And you’re still the same, because you’re in a doll?”
“UH-HUH. ARE THERE MORE COOKIES?”
“Plenty more!” Kelly handed another over. “Do you have to worry about an upset tummy if you eat too many?”
The doll laughed. “NO! IT’S GREAT!”
“How lucky.” Kelly carefully wrapped her hands around the doll’s middle and lifted it up to cradle against her chest. It didn’t struggle - though it did shoot a wary glare at Herbert and Janice, who were frantically trying to come up with a plan. “What’s your name?”
“RHEA.”
“What a pretty name. I’m Kelly.”
“WHAT A PRETTY NAME!” Rhea repeated, cracks creeping from its mouth to form a smile. “YOU MAKE YUMMY COOKIES, KELLY!”
“Practice.” Kelly said modestly. “Now.” She looked questioningly at the dithering couple. “What, exactly, is the problem here?”
“THEY’RE TRYING TO KILL ME!!” Rhea pointed accusingly.
“No!” Herbert spluttered, waving his hands (almost braining himself with the mallet). “We’re trying to give you peace!”
“We’re sending you to be with your family.” Janice added sweetly. “Don’t you want to see them again?”
“DON’T WANNA BE DEAD! IT SOUNDS BORING.”
“I dare say it is.” Kelly admitted.
Janice shot her a disapproving ‘please don’t encourage it!’ look.
“Well,” Kelly said, “it sounds like you need a home-”
“You can’t be serious!” Herbert said sharply. “It’s a dangerous cursed artefact! It needs to be dealt with!”
Kelly frowned. “She says she’s not ready. You should respect that.”
“But…!”
“I PROMISE I’LL BE GOOD!” Rhea threw her arms around Kelly’s neck and snuggled close.
“That’s settled, then.” Kelly waved a polite goodbye to the stupefied couple. “Do enjoy the rest of the cookies! Ta-ta!”
She stepped back, letting the door swing shut. They could just hear “AW, NO MORE COOKIES?”
“We can make more.”
“YAY! I’LL HELP!”
Herbert threw his tools down, glowered at the wrecked kitchen, and asked “Do you think that counts as stealing?”
“Possibly, but I don’t think anyone from the local force will touch the case.”

Prompt was “Write a story or poem about a couple who specialises in collecting and containing cursed and rare objects for safekeeping. They’ve just brought home a new item from a local antique shop, and it quickly becomes clear they’ve finally met their match…”